Is it possible to mend an abusive relationship
As an experienced life coach, I have been able to help various people fix their abusive relationships. Sometimes the victim will assume the abusive behavior is a normal part of a romantic relationship. This is common if you were raised by abusive parents. It may also be that this person is gaslighting you into accepting their bad behavior. Emotional abuse, through harsh words or a lack of attention, can be just as bad.
By all means, hear what your friends, family members or a therapist has to say about the situation. Ultimately though, you need to identify what this person is doing to your mental health. This talk can be scary. So, it might seem like nothing good will come from this talk.
Either way, calling out abusive behavior is a crucially important step to ending it. When delivering this feedback, be firm. As scary as it may seem, you may need to make an ultimatum. Because you deserve a healthy relationship, not an abusive one. Either the abuse stops or you leave. Focus on the behaviour, rather than the individual. When feedback is focused on them as a person, abusers are more likely to get defensive, aggressive or emotionally shut down.
According to study results, the following factors are linked to becoming an abusive partner:. Both of the studies mentioned here suggest that mental health problems and addictions can lead to someone becoming abusive in relationships. The first study also suggests that childhood trauma and abuse are linked to abuse in relationships.
While these findings do not excuse abusive behavior, they do suggest that there is psychology behind abusive relationships.
When someone is struggling with mental illness, addiction, or unresolved trauma from childhood, they may engage in abusive behaviors as a coping mechanism, because of learned behavior, or because abuse is a symptom of the mental health problem. Changing abusive behaviors can be difficult.
An abuser may deny that there is a problem, or they may be ashamed to seek help. For change to occur, the perpetrator of the abuse must be willing to make changes.
This can be a lengthy, challenging, and emotionally taxing process. Remember, abusive behavior is linked to mental health and drug problems, as well as issues stemming from childhood.
This means that the abusive partner must overcome deep-seeded behaviors in order to demonstrate real change. The perpetrator of the abuse must also take the responsibility to put an end to abusive and violent behavior.
In the meantime, the victim in the relationship must be prepared to stop accepting abusive behavior. After the victim has healed and the perpetrator has demonstrated a commitment to changing abusive behavior, the two members of the relationship can come together to try to heal the partnership.
As mentioned, abusive partners can change, but it requires hard work and effort, and the abuser must be willing to make changes. This often requires undergoing individual therapy and eventually couples counseling.
If you are looking to recover from an abusive relationship and want to know whether you can trust that your partner is committed to making changes, the following signs can be indicative of real change:. If you have been the victim of abuse in a relationship, it is up to you whether you are able to forgive your partner. You may need to explore your emotions with a therapist or other mental health professional. It is normal to feel conflicted when deciding can an abusive relationship be saved.
On the one hand, you may love your partner and want to reconcile with them, but on the other hand, you may be fearful of your partner and exhausted after enduring emotional and perhaps physical abuse. If you are committed to fixing your relationship , you can forgive an abuser, but it will likely be a lengthy process.
You will need time to recover from the trauma that the relationship has caused, and your partner will need to be patient with you during this process. Finally, your partner must also be willing to make real changes and participate in therapy to achieve these changes. If your partner is not able to make changes, it may be time to move on from the relationship instead of trying to forgive your partner. You can fix an abusive relationship, but healing from emotional abuse is not easy. Both you and your partner will likely have to undergo individual therapy, before coming together for relationship counseling.
During the process, you, as a victim, will need to hold your partner accountable for making changes, and your partner will have to unlearn the abusive behaviors and patterns they have learned.
The process will take time, and both you and your partner must be willing to participate in the process of healing. Genuine forgiveness requires that your partner feels in his or her heart that you have made amends and that the abusive behavior will not happen again in the future. Because forgiveness is a feeling, it cannot be forced.
The feeling of forgiveness must come naturally. However, how you behave during the recovery period will greatly influence whether or not, in the end, you will be genuinely forgiven. Gratitude Be grateful the victim of your emotional abuse is giving you a second chance.
He or she is not obligated to do so. And when he or she does give you a 'second chance,' be grateful and know that a terrible fate for you and your family has been avoided.
Verbalize your gratitude. Your partner needs to hear with his or her ears your sincere feelings of regret for the hurt you have caused and your appreciation that you have been given an opportunity to correct the bad behavior you had in the past. Follow carefully The 8 Relationship Guidelines for Past Abusers, and you increase the likelihood that your partner will eventually forgive you. Unlike many serious medical conditions, emotional abuse can be cured. However, it is up to you, YOU are the doctor!
Not everyone has a 'perfect relationship. Use these 8 Relationship Guidelines for Past Abusers as a guide to heal yourself and everyone injured by your past abuse. Make sure there is no more emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and psychological abuse in your marriage or committed relationship, now and in the future. Fix past mistakes and create a healthy relationship for your loved ones and yourself before emotional abuse ruins your life. He has a busy clinical practice in Toronto, Canada and throughout the world using the phone or Zoom.
After many years of clinical practice and research, Abe concluded that practical solutions requiring a focused effort of no more than a few minutes a day for very specific relationship problems were critically needed. GoSmartLife Publishing House has been created to fill this need.
Topics: Can an abusive relationship be saved , Can emotional abusers change , How to stop being emotionally abusive. Get your FREE subscription today. You can opt-out anytime you like. Your email will never be given to anyone else. Join our minions of Relationship Builders! Abe has created www. Copyright Abe Kass. All rights reserved. Contact and Privacy. Website maintained by Hella Fast with.
Professional help for people in a committed relationship who inflict emotional abuse on their partner If you want a healthy, happy, and long-lasting relationship, and you have been mean, cruel and insensitive to your partner, then you need to take responsibility for your bad behavior, for the emotional abuse you have inflicted on them.
How are you feeling now? As we discuss this matter, I am going to assume three things: 1. Just listen, listen, listen… 4. You can always ask again for forgiveness at another time. Emotional abuse is a deadly relationship disease.
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